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MEH

chrisw — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:59:43 +0000

meh.

“Do you wanna go to the beach today?”
“meh.”

“I’m really excited for the Project Runway finale.”
“meh.”

“Chicken or fish?”
“meh.”

Taking a stance on something is dangerous stuff. People always applaud Holden Caulfield, the lead character of Catcher in the Rye, because he was a young man with opinions. Name a topic, Holden had something to say on it, and a strong stance for or against it. I’m here to tell you that those people who admire young Holden, they were wrong. I ask you: whatever happened to Holden Caulfield?

I’ll tell you what happened, nothing. Ever. Because Holden Caulfield is a fictional character.

In real life? Having an opinion is a bad idea. It makes you look straight-up mean to everyone who has an opinion different than yours. It allows the slim chance that you could be wrong, and who wants that?

Worst, taking an opinion on something takes time. You have to learn about things, study both sides, it’s hard. There’s not enough time in the day. It’s wiser to become a student in the Zen of Meh.

Men’s/Unisex shirt and Women’s Shirt in Black. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.

KTHXBAI

chrisw — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:59:15 +0000

Okay. Thank you. Goodbye. All fine things to say, but the internet moves at the speed of AWSUM, and at those sorts of speeds, three sentences is just too long. So make like business cat and get snappy.

Of course, it isn’t only a substitute for the three letters, but it’s uses are many!

“Hey, Bob, are you going to have those TPS reports ready for–”

–Point at the shirt–

KTHXBAI

“Debra, what’s happening. Thing is, we’re gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sat–”

–Point at the shirt–

KTHXBAI

“Hey, Stew, sorry to have to tell you this way, but Bill here got the promotion. You’ll be reporting to him now. Just remember to put the new cover letter on–”

–Point at the shirt–

KTHXBAI

While the visual impact of the shirt is lessened, it’s a great reminder of proper usage. Everywhere you go, you’ll know what to say in times of need! Like when you break your mom’s china vase that’s 300 years old, or accidentally crash your freinds’ dad’s 1960’s Mustang he had signed by that one famous person…perfect! This means if you screw it up, you’ll have to hang your head in shame…

No, that’s KTHXBAI to you, Mr. Pouty Pants. KTHXBAI to you!…Okay. You can stop pouting now, especially because this shirt is one the top three vote winners! Now you can have yet another, exclusive chance at gaining the valuable power that is KTHXBAI, on a shirt! Go get it while it’s here, KTHXBAI!

Men’s/Unisex shirt and Women’s Shirt in RED. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order.

Cattuccino! Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:58:52 +0000

Cattuccino

“Excuse me, barista, but my coffee has fur.”

“Didn’t you order the Cattucino?”

“Ummm… yeah?”

“Well, then there you go.”

“Oh. I guess that explains why it just meowed at me.”

Introducing the new Cattuccino. When you want something warm in your mug, with a little less caffeine but a little more cute. No need to add sugar because they’re already as sweet as can be! They wouldn’t turn down a little cream, though.

Men’s/Unisex shirt in Brown and Women’s Shirt in Navy. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.

NOTE TO BUYERS: The design for the shirts was printed via halftones, unlike our other shirts that have solid colors for everything. What this means in English is: the design has a dotted look (see pic below). Some people love this, but others don’t. (We heard one or two complaints from customers about the initial batch, but they still liked the shirt.) Anyhoo – just wanted you to know this before purchase.

OM NOM NOM NOM FAIL! Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:48:47 +0000

You know how sometimes you’re eating a cheezburger, and the cheezburger is so delicious that you end up eating some of the paper that the cheezburger is wrapped in? It’s kind of like that, except then you realize that the cheezburger you were enjoying so much wasn’t a cheezburger at all, but was really, you know, your own body. I mean, it’s a common mistake, it could happen to anyone, especially if you’re less the chew-your-food type and more the let-your-food-digest-while-still-alive sort.

Men’s/Unisex shirt in Navy and Women’s Shirt in Navy. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.

Push Button Receive Bacon Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:59:54 +0000

“Excuse me. EXCUSE ME! Hi. I think something’s wrong with your hand dryer.”

“Ummm… I don’t work here. I’m just a guy using the bathroom too.”

“Okay, so you feel my pain. I followed the directions, I pushed the button right here, and instead of dispensing bacon, I just got a handful of hot air.”

“… Ummm, I should really get going.”

“Oh, I get it, I’M THE CRAZY ONE! I mean look at that picture, you’re telling me that those wavy lines aren’t bacon? Come on!”

Think about it, what would you rather have in a bathroom:

A.) A boring hand dryer that barely even gets your hands dry, or

B.) DELICIOUS BACON.

B! Of course B! B for Bacon! I mean, I don’t want to get obscene, but sometimes bathrooms smell like bathrooms. Wouldn’t you rather live in a world where bathrooms smelled of delicious bacon? Of course you would. Everything is better with bacon. I’d trade a handful of bacon for wet hands any day of the week.

About the Meme

This graffiti has popped up on multiple hand dryers around the world, ever since the manufacturers switched to text-free pictograph directions. The first recorded “Push Button –> Receive Bacon” was found scratched into a hand dryer in mid-2004. It is still unknown if anyone has ever actually received bacon from a hand dryer. Those dirty, liar hand dryers, always so stingy with the bacon.

BFFs Sunny Side Up! Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:59:23 +0000

“Do you think we’ll always stay bee eff effs, Bacon?”

“That’s why they calls us Best Friends Forever, Eggs.”

BFF HIGH-FIVE!

“Oh, you crack me up, Bacon.”

“It’s easy when you’re always sunny side-up, Eggs.”

PUN HIGH-FIVE!

“What about Hash Browns?”

“What about him? He takes too long to get ready. All of the shredding and grating. And I heard he’s made from MULTIPLE potatoes.”

“Ew.”

“I know. And have you noticed that unless Ketchup is around, he sort of just tastes like smashed up, burntfrench fries?”

“I’m glad someone said it. We were all thinking it.”

GOSSIP HIGH-FIVE!

“So, what do you want to do today, Eggs?”

“The same thing we do everyday, Bacon. Make breakfast delicious.”

“I heart you, Eggs.”

“Ditto, Bacon. Ditto.”

Men’s/Unisex shirt in Lake Blue and Women’s Shirt in Caribbean Blue. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.

BACO-LICIOUS!!! Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:59:12 +0000

Man, I wish someone would tape Bacon on me. Bacon is so frikkin’ delicious, man. Everything is better with bacon. Burgers, salads, omelets, ice cream. Well, I haven’t tried that last one, but I mean, probably, man, right? I’d drink a bacon cola if they made it. Mmmm… I can feel the bacon carbonation bubbles fizzing in my mouth right now.

If we weren’t supposed to eat pigs, why make them out of bacon? I think the story of Charlotte’s Web would have gone a little differently if pigs were made out of Brussel sprouts, am I right? Like well, there wouldn’t have been a story. I mean, who wants to have a farm of Brussel sprouts pigs? No one. You eat a weird green BLT and then your pee smells weird, and that’s not what I’m looking for in a delicious sandwich.

Or, c’mon, if you’re gonna make pigs out of bacon, maybe don’t make them helpless farm animals. Give them some superpowers. Like wasn’t there some sort of
Spider-Pig I heard about?

Yeah, something like that. Until then, I’m gonna keep eating bacon, because it’s delicious, man. I think back in the 90s, when people said that things were Da Bomb, they should have been saying that things were Da Bacon. Tonight I’m gonna pick up some of the Canadian variety, along with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and you know what, we’re just gonna see what happens.

You said it cat, now let’s go get some Cherry Garcia and make magic.

Love Equation Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:59:20 +0000

Communication isn’t easy. Whether it be English, French, Spanish, or Lolspeak, sometimes it’s hard to say what you mean. For instance, I was once dating a pirate and said “I love you” which just comes out as “Aye, love you” in Pirate, which isn’t quite the same thing. There was also that time when things were getting serious with that ninja, and she was quiet all the time, and I thought she was giving me the cold shoulder, when really she was just being a ninja.

Like I said, communication isn’t easy, and this Valentine’s Day, when there are so many ways you could make the wrong move, so many ways to accidentally say the wrong thing, we recommend you get this shirt for your Valentine, and let it speak for itself. Nerd love doesn’t have to be what a grown man feels towards his level 80 Night Elf Hunter, although that is why he doesn’t return your calls on raid nights. Nerd love isn’t necessarily describing that feeling at 2am when you violently rise from slumber, because you just received the email alerting you that someone has edited one of your many wikipedia pages. Although if you don’t get up and research the historical authenticity of the edit, who will?

Nerd love is just the way to tell your special someone how you really feel. Whether they are bespectacled or have 20/20 vision, whether they excel in athletics or would prefer to play Track and Field on the NES. Sometimes the best way to say “I love you” isn’t with words at all.

Get this shirt for your soulmate. Tell them through expressions and variables, that there’s only one constant: the way they make your heart go pitter-patter.

Men’s/Unisex shirt and Women’s Shirt in Red. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.

PEW PEW PEW reprint

chrisw — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:59:19 +0000

War. War never changes. Dropped behind enemy lines. No one expects me to last through the night. I’m not even sure they expected me to last through the drop. But I’ll show them. They don’t call me Fluffy Rambo Kittymittens for nothing.

Where am I? It’s too dark. Can’t… see… What’s that smell? IT’S THE ENEMY!

Oh, nevermind. False alarm. Just some skunks. Evening, gentlemen. It’s not so dark, is it? Maybe I should take off these sunglasses. But they go so well with my red headband. What’s this, a church? Sactuary! It’ll be safe inside. I’m going to show them, I’m going to make it through and win this war–OH NO WHAT’S THAT?!

Phew. Just some church pews. My bad. I’m too worked up. I’ve been doing this for too long. Maybe all of the enemies have gone to sleep. Maybe they’re taking a little nap. Maybe I have nothing to worry about. Maybe–OMG!

In an instant, my whole life flashes before my eyes, and all I can think is, LOOK AT THAT HE’S SO CUUUUTE!

Mr. MEME Reprint

chrisw — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 05:59:48 +0000

Mr. Men? That was so 1970s. Out of the children’s books and straight from the rage comics, we give you Mr. Men all grown up: MR. MEMES! Colorful caricatures whose names are based on their rage face. With this week’s newest LOLmart shirt, you’ll have your proper Mr. Meme right at hand, backing you up during…

Any frustration:

Girlfriend: “Cute shirt, but I don’t have one!”
You: MR. Y U NO.

Any emotional response:

Little brother: “I stole your new Mr. Memes shirt and dribbled pizza over it.”
You: MR. RAGE.

Any secret enjoyment:

*Grabbed the exact amount of hangers for all your newly laundered Mr. Memes shirts*

You: MR. GUSTA.

So what are you waiting for, Mr. Forever Alone? Get your Mr. Memes shirt today!

Men’s/Unisex shirt and Women’s Shirt in White. Sizing for these shirts is in true sizing, not junior sizing. Please see our FAQ for Sizing. We still recommend that you read the measurements on the FAQ to confirm your size before you order. Copyright: Cheezburger, Inc – 2011 All Rights Reserved.